The Difference A Single Second Can Make

It’s well before the sun rises and it’s raining. You’re late. You grab your keys and run to the car. You put the key in the ignition and start the car, reversing out of your driveway, heading towards making a right onto the main street. As you approach your first turn at about 30km/h, you look down at your phone to check the time. You’re not paying attention to what’s in front of you. 

You’re distracted. 

Within two seconds, you look back up and your stomach sinks. You see a man in a hooded, brown raincoat just one meter away from your car. Instantly you realize just how close things were. That just a single second earlier and… 

You slow down, eyes wide open, your breathing becomes panicked. Do you realize what almost happened? Did he? Despite the ongoing internal debate about your religious beliefs, your first words are “Thank God.” 

A thought flashes through your mind: Only a few months ago you were running late, you were driving recklessly, you almost caused an accident. And, like this time, it was just one second away from happening. You find yourself saying “God, so lucky.”

The next thought that crosses your mind is your response if the worst did occur. You know he would have been severely injured, or even killed if things did happen just that one second earlier. 

You scream at yourself: “You’ve written to yourself of the responsibility you have when driving! There isn’t room for these kinds of mistakes. How many times does this have to happen? How many times before you learn? Not once, but twice! No, more! Repeated mistakes. It’s not just about you, man. It’s about the people around you. Recklessly putting other people’s lives at risk. What are you going to do so you don’t forget? It’s your responsibility. You have to make the choice. It’s your decision. You have to make it the right one. This isn’t a game. You are not God.”

Later on, after you’ve gotten where you needed to go, and did what you needed to do, when you have a moment to sit and reflect, you ask yourself “What was I thanking God for?” Are you thanking God for the good fortune that he wasn’t seriously, perhaps gravely injured? Or are you thanking God for the good fortune that your own life wasn’t made a mess of by your carelessness? One thing you did think about was how lucky you must be. You think this to yourself because you know you’ve been here before. “Should you feel guilt, relief, gratitude or something else entirely?”

You realize you’ll never know the individual whose life you almost shattered. Again, you wonder if he realized he was within one second of an accident that would have left him crippled if not worse. Asking yourself if you’d do the right thing, juxtaposed with not knowing if you actually would. You’ve always told yourself you’d do what’s right in these kinds of situations – but you can’t deny your first inclinations – of how fortunate you were… or how lucky you were. Would it be a complete admission of what happened from your own eyes or would you bend at least something that goes against the truth of what you had perceived and experienced? Would you be the individual who immediately rushes out of his car to give aid? When the time came, would you admit you were driving distracted? Fundamentally, would you live by the truth or would you live in deceit? 

In the end you tell yourself you’re going to write all this down so you don’t forget, so you remember, but when you’ve finished, you can’t stop the gnawing thought… “Was I writing this as an act of repentance, to make sure I conduct myself better in the future, so I don’t forget or…”

Anyways, we’ll see what happens tomorrow. We both know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

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Addendum – Added May 9, 2023: 

I wrote this between March 29, 2023 and April 3, 2023. On April 12, 2023 I had an accident with a biker. On April 17, 2023 I wrote the following:

“I had an accident with a young lady on a bike. Her name is C. I was turning right into the fitness center parking lot; there was a car blocking the view of the sidewalk; and right as I was pulling in… right at that very second, that one second, we collided. Our eyes met, jaws dropped. She fell over. I froze for a couple seconds, then quickly got out of my car to go to her. It’s unbelievable, really – how only a few days prior I was writing The Difference A Single Second Can Make. It was admirable, the way she handled things. She was shocked and was shaking, but quickly gained her composure. Her right arm and left knee took the brunt of the hit. Her dad came to pick her up. He handled it well considering… his daughter got hit by a car! I messaged him for updates later that night and called for an update the next morning. He said she was okay, all things considered. Thank god nothing worse happened. The truth – I spoke nothing but the truth and accepted whatever happened as a result of this. I acted the way I would have wanted to.”

Coincidence? Perhaps. I still think it’s pretty remarkable. It was almost as if I was preparing myself for what was to come. 

I guess that’s what people do everyday – prepare themselves for what’s to come. 

I reached out through text and tried giving her a few calls since then. She had said she was waiting on results for a few more tests. Apart from that, nothing has happened since.

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May 23, 2024

You recall your past and wonder how things would have been different “if.” 

It had been awhile since I thought of C. I’ve reached out to see how she’s been since then. We’ll see what she says.